Baywatch

As comedic crime drama beach spoofs go, this one is just as ridiculous as is to be expected.

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A lifeguards work is never over, especially when you’re an LA County lifeguard, who’s roles apparently encompass the most unlikely of tasks such as undercover crime investigations; just another day at the beach for these guards.

Though David Hasselhoff and Pamela Anderson have had their characters upgraded in the form of Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson and Zac Efron, the basic premise is the same; everyone is astonishingly good looking and the beach crimes are as unrealistic as ever.

Despite an absolutely abysmal string of comedic slow-motion running scenes and face-palm worthy jokes, this film still manages to bring a smile to the faces of its begrudging audience.

The basic plot may be no different to its 1990s crime series counterpart and the special effects may have you cringing in your seats, but there is definitely something lovable about the sheer scale of this films ridiculousness.

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Snatched

Amy Schumer is the unlikely daughter of Goldie Hawn on a holiday they’ll never forget.

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Dumped by her boyfriend and eager for travel, Emily (Schumer) finds herself with a spare ticket for an Ecuadorian adventure, so decides to enlist her mother (Hawn) as her plus one; what could possibly go wrong?

Though an unlikely pairing, Schumer and Hawn gloriously unite to provide audiences with a comedic journey like no other. From escaping boobs to drunken shenanigans, not a minute goes by without a laugh, or at worst, a face-palm.

The plot, whilst obviously and completely ridiculous, manages to successfully convey its story whilst providing the much needed comic relief and a worryingly accurate representation of a mother-daughter relationship, which is unwavering in its honesty.

It may not be everyone’s cup of tea for its excessive use of dry humour, but it certainly checks most of the comedy genre boxes.

Spark

A royal monkey prince saves the world from a Gaddafi style dictatorship; yes this is apparently the world we now live in.

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After years of believing he’s an orphan, Spark discovers a secret like no other as he sets off on a mission to save his planet from it’s currently fascist reign.

Though not distributed by a particularly well-known film studio, this animated adventure showcases brilliance on a seemingly low budget. From the animation itself, to the character compositions, the film surprises with its originality and plot commitment.

Whilst the film only has the voice-acting name of Jessica Biel to slap on its promotional posters, the lack of critically acclaimed actors and production team adds to it’s surprisingly successful execution.

The film is not in anyway perfect, but it does provide a stable footing on which to sell itself to audiences young and old, even if it doesn’t have the financial backing needed to make it into the box office charts.

Pirates of the Caribbean: Salazar’s Revenge

The pirates return for the fifth time, with Captain Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp) and his not so loyal crew setting sail for a new voyage.

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Admittedly, the past few releases have been well below expectations, but this new addition to the franchise has given the pirate themed films a new lease of life.

With Will Turner (Orlando Bloom) making an unexpected return to the plot, his son, now 18 years of age, tracks down Jack in an attempt to save his father from his seemingly permanent cursed life aboard the Flying Dutchman. Needless to say, with the infamous Captain Jack involved, things don’t exactly go swimmingly, as he literally finds himself being chased across the seas by death. 

There is little to say about the acting; Depp, is, as usual, spectacularly brilliant as the lead role of Jack Sparrow, which is to be expected given the amount of times he has played the character. With the likes of Bloom, Rush and Bardem, it’s not surprising that the acting is elaborately wonderful throughout this production.

The special effects, too, have complimented the films overall aesthetic, without over-complicating the intricacies of the plot.

It is though, despite all the new characters and technology included, still the same old Pirates of the Caribbean formula and sooner or later fans will become disappointed with the lack of change this franchise delivers to the big screen.

Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Long Haul

With the general reading age of the book being for ages 8-14, the page to screen adaptation was never destining for cinematic greatness.

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Essentially, a boy named Greg, accompanied by his family, go on a summer road trip together and disaster ensues. 

Yes, you would be right to think this is basically a PG version of We Are The Millers.

As you might expect with a film predominantly aimed at children, the acting is painstakingly awful and at times you could probably have a goat stand-in and it’d have more talent. 

The story is somewhat interesting at best, and the main comedy aspect is best seen from a parental perspective, which showcases how truly terrible and irritating children can be. 

King Arthur: Legend of the Sword

A classic tale is turned into an epic adventure as Guy Ritchie sprinkles it with a little magic.

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Though born into royalty, Arthur is brought up in poverty following his parents demise at the hands of his uncle, which leaves him unknowingly carrying greatness upon his shoulders.

Guy Ritchie does what he does best, casting his unique style into the direction of this film; as the plot builds, so does the speed of the action, exhilarating with such vigour, you leave the cinema feeling slightly windswept. But to counteract this feeling of excitement, Ritchie slows down scenes to highlight his classic slow-motion angles, creating stand-out moments at the heart of the action.

The soundtrack, too, is unnervingly accurate, keeping the audiences’ emotions in check throughout the action and into the emotion; as if you’d expect anything but brilliance from the director behind the Sherlock Holmes films.

Though having to withstand David Beckham’s attempt at ‘acting’ for  potentially the longest three minutes of our lives, the rest of the cast exceeds all expectations, showing of their numerous talents and living up to their household names.

Unlocked

CIA films never get old, but they do, apparently, get longer.

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London is in a terror crisis, and it’s up to CIA agent, Alice Racine, to save the day. But as is the case with so many crime thrillers, such matters are never made easy.

In a plot twist that’s sure to make even Donald Trump double take, conspiracy theories get a whole new meaning as central intelligence gets a little less, well, intelligent.

With a cast that boasts the likes of Michael Douglas and Orlando Bloom, you can only hope for good things, but, alas, that’s about as good as this film gets; safe to say these two will be having harsh words with their management teams.

Despite the best efforts of the script-writers, this film just cannot get it’s feet off the ground, with each anti-climatic scene following the next, it’s a wonder there were so many cinema goers left in their seat by the time the end-credits rolled.